Liuzhou Laowai

Random thoughts on life in Liuzhou, Guangxi, China

Guangxi Cop Executed

Hu Ping sentenced to death.A Guangxi policeman has been executed for shooting and killing a pregnant noodle seller while he was drunk.

Hu Ping, formerly of the public security bureau of Pingnan county, shot the woman and her husband in October of last year. The husband suffered minor injuries but his wife and unborn child were killed.

Hu was sentenced to death by Guigang District court in February, but appealed. Guangxi’s Higher People’s Court  upheld the sentence in April, but, as required by Chinese law, the case was sent to the Supreme Court in Beijing who gave the final ruling that the execution go ahead, as it did on Tuesday.

The reports don’t say where the execution took place, but there is a strong possibility it was here in Liuzhou. Guangxi’s executions are usually carried out here.

Moving Accidents

Ooops. This minor collision blocked the entire city's traffic for over two hours.

Ooops. This minor collision blocked the entire city’s traffic for over two hours.

At long last, Liuzhou authorities are attempting to deal with the ridiculous situation whereby motorists involved in even the most of minor of collisions refuse to move their vehicles until the cops turn up,  investigate and apportion blame. That they have blocked the entire city’s transport is no concern to these drivers. Face is all. Even when you’d need a microscope to find any evidence of damage.

From September 1st a new “fast-track” system will be introduced and vehicles will be obliged to move their vehicles to somewhere sensible. (Actually, this regulation has been in the road traffic regulations for decades.) The scheme has been trialled in the Yufeng district, but will be spread city wide.

It is said that there are now 805,000 cars in Liuzhou. There are three people who can drive them.

Have a Cigar!

China’s President Xi Jingping meets a communist for the first time in his life.

castro xi

“Who the fuck are you?” says Castro.

Another Bite of China

Fans of China Central Television (CCTV)’s outstanding A Bite of China (舌尖上的中国) will be interested to know that the second series has been officially released on DVD. It is still in Chinese only.


The release consists of two sets of four DVDs priced at 62元 each from Xinhua book store (on the pedestrian street, opposite McDonalds. (On the first (ground floor)).

Set one contains one disc per episode of parts 1 to 4

Set 2 covers parts 5 to 7 plus a bonus episode (which I don’t think was broadcast) on the making of the series.

No doubt the English narrated version will turn up around Christmas.

Don’t Walk

Liuzhou is continuing its campaign to improve road safety by blaming everything on pedestrians.

The only reason cars, especially taxis, can’t speed up and down sidewalks is that pedestrians have the temerity to walk on them. Bastards!

This week they recruited students from Liuzhou Vocational & Technical College (who should be on summer holiday, shagging and getting drunk) to rush out at popular road crossing points with dumb banners telling the low class people who walk to get the fuck off the streets and buy a car like normal people and then shit the place up even more. They called these students “volunteers” Only if “volunteer” means  “do it or else”.

When will these idiots get it into their drunken minds that it isn’t the pedestrians causing the problems. It’s the assholes, like them, in cars who don’t realise red lights apply to them, who think parking on the sidewalk at random forcing the pedestrians onto the road is OK,  the hopeless who can’t park a car without someone (who can’t drive) guiding them in. The morons on e-bikes with no lights, sending text messages while obliviously sending pedestrians scattering for safety.

They never, ever have campaigns against motorists – the new gods.

I used to love walking in this city. It’s how I came to know it. Now it’s a fucking nightmare.

I was even nearly run down by a car speeding down the pedestrian street last week. Asshole driver wearing shades behind his tinted windows (at night) and talking on his phone.

(You will notice that, unusually, this post doesn’t have any images. I have so many pictures of the utter stupidity that I couldn’t choose. )

Guardian Holds Map Upside Down

lostAccording to reports such as this in the Guardian “Eight others died later in the Guangxi region as the storm ploughed into the mainland on its way north to Vietnam.”

Now, let’s say you decided to plough northwards from Guangxi. You would be heading away from Vietnam, a country which lies mostly to the south of Guangxi. Perhaps they are holding their map upside down.


Update: 23rd July

The Guardian has now corrected this error.

This article was amended on 22 July 2014. An earlier version placed Vietnam north of Guangxi.

Liuzhou Mislays Internet

no-internetLarge parts of Liuzhou were without internet access for seven hours  today (Sunday  20th July).

Service stopped at 6:55 am and remained off until just after 2 pm. I know this because I was working on something when it went off, much to my annoyance and muttering at the wall when it came back on. I was so bored I nearly defrosted the fridge just for a bit of excitement.

No reason or explanation has been forthcoming for the failure of China’s Telecom’s service. China Unicom continued to work through my Android equipped cell phone.

Whatever they doing, it certainly wasn’t improving the service – it’s as slow as ever.


Stainless Steel Strangeness

Now, if you can manage to get
Your trembling fingers to behave,
Why don’t you try unwrapping
A stainless steel razor blade?
- Leonard Cohen – Dress Rehearsal Rag


I know that “stainless steel” is something of a misnomer. A more accurate description would be “stain resistant steel”. However, I have long been surprised at how quickly stainless steel stains and rusts here in Liuzhou.

At first I put it down to badly made steel, all provided, no doubt, by Liuzhou Steel Company, one of the largest steel factories in China. But then noticed it happened to stuff I brought from England, too. I then put it down to the toxic air they provide us with to breath.

Now I am having third thoughts. A recent experience has left me baffled.

I use a Gillette razor to ensure that I am not mistaken for a terrorist and always buy replacement blades from the same place. Sometimes they start to rust after only one or two uses. Or get blunt just looking at facial hair. I put this down to a proportion of the blades being poor quality pirate product. Others lasted the sort of time that is reasonable to expect.

I recently bought some new blades from the usual place. One pack containing four blades. The first three rusted quite quickly and I switched to the fourth. It has remained rust free and sharp (razor sharp even) for weeks. This is the razor blade equivalent of perpetual motion. It remains shiny and unstained and doesn’t know the meaning of ‘blunt’.

What is going on?

Beware of Beards

These crude, racist anti-terrorism posters have appeared in town. They show stereotypical images of wild-eyed, bushy-bearded males in the role of the terrorists – as they all surely are. There have never been any clean-shaven terrorists or female terrorists. And of course, they are too stupid to think of disguising themselves as non-terrorists by having a shave.

"Terrorism is all mankind's enemy"

“Terrorism is all mankind’s enemy ©2014 Liuzhou Laowai”


“Helping terrorists flee the country is a crime. ©2014 Liuzhou Laowai”

While there have been a number of horrific terrorist incidents recently, this is just stupid, nasty scare-mongering, and sadly typical of the idiotic double thinking of the party. Xinjiang people are most definitely Chinese, they insist, while simultaneously demonising all of the ethnic minorities as terrorists.

Talking of racism, I can’t even begin to understand this. It is an image being used to sell mosquito coils and repellents etc. WTF?

Beats me

As found yesterday in Zhongbai Hualian Supermarket on Beizhan Lu.

Noise Noise Noise

I’ve often marvelled at the remarkable noise tolerance level of the average citizen here. Car horns blare for no obvious reason, people shout rather than speak, children run around restaurants and supermarkets screaming at the tops of their voices while their parents don’t even seem to register it. I could go on.

But I’m beginning to see signs of a backlash.

Nanning recently introduced a local by-law outlawing those old women dancing to loud music, with the threat of a ¥500 fine for violators. I’m looking forward to them introducing that in Liuhou park where you get those groups of (mainly) women blaring out their dance music about two metres away from another group doing the same. Then add three more groups all playing different music within one tiny area. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a quiet stroll in the park enjoying nature?

Here in Liuzhou, residents of one housing block have staged a protest against a neighbouring construction site which has been banging away 24 hours a day. They hung large banners from the upper floors, reading 吵 吵 吵, meaning “Noise Noise Noise”. .


Of course, it’s possible that I have misinterpreted their intention. Maybe they think it’s too quiet and are demanding more noise. Wouldn’t surprise me.

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