Liuzhou Laowai

Random thoughts on life in Liuzhou, Guangxi, China

Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Homophonic Humour

This amused me. A couple of days ago, a man in Matou Village, Liuzhou was tending his bamboo forest when he came across some strangers stealing his bamboo shoots. He wouldn’t have minded, he said, had they only been taking a few for themselves, but they had amassed sack loads, so he called the police. […]

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Cool Job

I’ve found the perfect new job for these times. Hope they’ll take me on! As Liuzhou’s temperature hits 37ºC /98.6ºF, I could be quite happy to join this chap who is well wrapped up. He is a worker in a Liuzhou refrigeration company and routinely works in temperatures of -18ºC / -0.4ºF. This means there […]

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Thought For the Day

柳州三中路 2017-3-3

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Cherry, Oh Baby!

I have been given a rather nice Christmas gift. A 1.5 kg box of cherries. Clearly marked “Product of California”. So, expensive. Available in a number of Liuzhou supermarkets and shops. Nice! I mentioned this to a couple of online contacts, who were Californian and confused. “Californian cherries in December?”  they queried. Sure enough, close […]

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Liuzhou Times

China’s “Global Times” claims to be an English language tabloid newspaper of sorts. It fact, it is an often hysterical mouthpiece of the Chinese communist party. When not denouncing all things not Chinese and red, it runs photos of scantily clad young women displaying their communist assets. Alongside stupid, unbelievable stories of unlikely heroes of […]

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The End is Nigh

This has been a historic week with colossal implications for the future of mankind. Tragic, too. Yes, after 18 years I have lost my cell phone number to vagaries of chance, thereby causing an international crisis. It’s a long story. The day after the USA “elected” a deluded, offensive, egotistical, narcissistic, misogynist, racist, lying, fascist […]

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With This Ring …

I would be failing in my duty if I didn’t bring you this. Earlier this month, an 18-year old Liuzhou man (boy) had to call the emergency services after enduring two days of pain when he decided to put a wedding ring on his penis, but then couldn’t remove it. His appendage became swollen (not […]

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KFC Toe Job

Local users of social media are up in arms following a report in yesterday’s local paper that a young woman was spotted eating alone in the KFC beside Gongmao Department store – Liuzhou’s first, but sadly not last, KFC. Her offence wasn’t being alone. Her offence was that while eating whatever KFC sell instead of […]

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Random Photograph 82 – Pickled Panties

Need some panties? Try the pickle shop. Fancy some pickles? Try the panty shop.

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Mammary Makeup

They did this last year, too. For the second year running one of the gold and jewelry shops on the city centre pedestrian street is pretending to have just opened. Again, they have festooned the place with those artificial flower bouquets they always have at shop openings; again, they have found a bunch of not […]

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