Liuzhou Laowai

Random thoughts on life in Liuzhou, Guangxi, China

Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Random Photograph 95 – Snail Travel

Random Picture No. 95 is one in a series of pictures, taken in Liuzhou, which amuse, baffle or otherwise interest me. Ever wonder who organised that “Slow Boat To China”? I reckon I’ve found out. The English is a direct translation of the Chinese but ‘snail’ has the same metaphoric connotation in Chinese – slow, […]

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The Welsh are Coming

I read on the British embassy website that the Welsh football team are coming to Nanning this month to thrash the Chinese national team (everyone does, so it’s no major achievement). What concerns me though is that I have some friends in Nanning who are excellent English speakers, unlike the Welsh. My poor friends are […]

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Christmas Cacophony

Things are bad. My local supermarket has taken to playing the deliberately awful version of “Love is All Around” sung by Bill Nighy as the character Billy Mack in the movie “Love, Actually“. I’m boycotting the place until they realise Christmas is over, which may be around next August, if things go as usual. Just […]

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Brexit Cushion

As if Brexit wasn’t confusing enough (thanks largely to the Maybot and her staggeringly incompetent government), my local supermarket is adding to the chaos. I’ve always found Chinese students very geographically challenged. God knows what they are taught in school. I once gave some university students a blank outline map of China and asked them […]

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Homophonic Humour

This amused me. A couple of days ago, a man in Matou Village, Liuzhou was tending his bamboo forest when he came across some strangers stealing his bamboo shoots. He wouldn’t have minded, he said, had they only been taking a few for themselves, but they had amassed sack loads, so he called the police. […]

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Cool Job

I’ve found the perfect new job for these times. Hope they’ll take me on! As Liuzhou’s temperature hits 37ºC /98.6ºF, I could be quite happy to join this chap who is well wrapped up. He is a worker in a Liuzhou refrigeration company and routinely works in temperatures of -18ºC / -0.4ºF. This means there […]

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Thought For the Day

柳州三中路 2017-3-3

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Cherry, Oh Baby!

I have been given a rather nice Christmas gift. A 1.5 kg box of cherries. Clearly marked “Product of California”. So, expensive. Available in a number of Liuzhou supermarkets and shops. Nice! I mentioned this to a couple of online contacts, who were Californian and confused. “Californian cherries in December?”  they queried. Sure enough, close […]

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Liuzhou Times

China’s “Global Times” claims to be an English language tabloid newspaper of sorts. It fact, it is an often hysterical mouthpiece of the Chinese communist party. When not denouncing all things not Chinese and red, it runs photos of scantily clad young women displaying their communist assets. Alongside stupid, unbelievable stories of unlikely heroes of […]

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The End is Nigh

This has been a historic week with colossal implications for the future of mankind. Tragic, too. Yes, after 18 years I have lost my cell phone number to vagaries of chance, thereby causing an international crisis. It’s a long story. The day after the USA “elected” a deluded, offensive, egotistical, narcissistic, misogynist, racist, lying, fascist […]

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