Liuzhou Laowai

Random thoughts on life in Liuzhou, Guangxi, China

Sam Sung – Bad Music

Never again will I buy a Samsung phone.

I am no newcomer to cell phones or mobile phones or whatever you call them. I bought my first mobile phone back in 1988 – a Motorolo brick which weighed the same as a well fed baby and was equally shitty.

Over the years I have upgraded and side-stepped but mostly Nokias until they went tits up and Sony Ericsson until they gave up, too. I hate everything Apple, so that wasn’t an option this time round, but all the reviews gave the Samsung Galaxy 7 Edge high marks and I fell for it. At ¥2 short of the ¥6000 mark, it wasn’t cheap but I started out very pleased with my purchase. I was especially taken by the camera which I still rate highly.

A couple of month’s later I noticed a crack across the facia, A trip to the shop where I bought the thing led to a referral to the “official” Samsung service centre just off the city centre pedestrian street (behind the Lijing Hotel) on the second floor of this building. The least welcoming place in China.

This is a worryingly busy place. So many dysfunctional Samsungs (and I don’t mean the exploding variety). A young woman examines my phone, announces that I have dropped it and that anyway cracked screens are not covered by the guarantee.

I have never, ever dropped this phone.

She offers to replace the screen for a mere ¥1500. I suddenly remember the Korean for “fuck off!”, not that she would even know it’s Korean. One quarter of the total phone’s original price for a self-cracking screen? So I rattle on with a cracked screen, remembering that the phone is now not waterproof, one of the less critical features advertised.

One of the bizarre things about this expensive phone is the combined SIM card /SD tray which must cost all of ¥1 to make -a batch of ten. Cheap thin plastic. I’ve met more robust condoms.

Of course mine snaps in half with the SIM card and SD card trapped inside the phone.

Back I trot to the Samsung centre where a smug, arrogant asshole opens my phone, extracts the two cards then reassembles my phone. Then he puts the two cards and the broken card holder into a small plastic bag and hands them to me, along with a now dysfunctional phone.

I explain that I would like him to replace the broken part.

“没有 méi yǒu!” “Don’t have.”

What? The only moveable part on the phone – the part most likely to fail and you don’t carry spares?

You have taken a working, if imperfect, phone and rendered it unusable. Because you don’t have a ¥1 part?

Customer Service? You wouldn’t know customer service, if it bit you in the privates.

Utter morons.

Somehow, I get my phone to work again by trapping the cards back inside, then find the required card trays widely available across the road and on Taobao, China’s main online shopping portal.

I think I’ll buy a pigeon!

. This entry was posted on Monday, May 15th, 2017 at 4:03 pm and is filed under Dickheads, Liuzhou Life, Stupidity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

5 Responses to “Sam Sung – Bad Music”

  1. David Says:

    I seem to have a similar ‘mobile’ history to you with a few extra brands thrown in (and out) and having resisted the Jobs/Wozniak/Wayne evil empire for so long I finally capitulated a couple of years ago and I’m sorry to report that the stuff seems robust and just works . Despite being bounced on hard surfaces several times , soaked , sat on , trodden on , chewed by a large dog and on one occasion ricocheted across two tables of a restaurant (don’t ask) .
    One of the very few times I’ve felt better after capitulating . Sympathise with your Apple feelings , but just give in .

  2. Liuzhou Laowai Says:


    By the way, I have one friend who has had dreadful problems with A**le products, not all of them caused by her dropping them down Chinese toilets. She only lost two that way!

  3. Robert Says:

    I flew with China Eastern recently and noticed that Samsung phones are banned from all flights although I doubt if they can enforce that. You should have seen the size of the carry on luggage and the bloke behind me was expectorating into a plastic bag .

  4. Liuzhou Laowai Says:

    Only one model of Samsung phone – the Galaxy Note 7 – is banned by China Eastern, as it is by many, if not most airlines.

    I have seen the size of carry on luggage many times, thank you. It’s a lot better than it was 20 years ago.

    Spitting into a plastic bag is a great improvement. Usually it’s just the floor.

  5. Robert Says:

    Quite right. He was a true gentleman

    somehow the floor seems less gross

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